An open letter: I’m Still Rockin’ Your Hoodie

September 17, 2018 0 By admin

I still think of you. I look you up on social media every few months. Your new girlfriend comes across my screen too. Why I don’t know. I think it’s because I’m still not completely over you. And trust me I’ve tried. I tried to drown it out with the smell of wood and paint during summer. With the smell of rain and freshly cleaned sheets in the winter. I know I was the one to end it and broke your heart, but I’m not sorry. I won’t apologize for doing what was best for me. You weren’t enough for me anymore. I had reservations about being in a relationship with you from the beginning and I should have listened to my gut. I should have listened when it said, “you don’t want this” and I should have listened during our relationship when it said the same thing. Maybe I wasn’t ever meant to be with you. Maybe we were never meant to last.

I’m sorry…

I’m sorry for not listening to my gut and agreeing to see you. I’m sorry for not telling you when something was wrong. I’ve thought about myself and the person I was when we started dating, the person I became when I ended our relationship, and I’ve changed a little but at the core, I’m still the same. I always wanted a partner who was on the same intellectual level. One who I could throw dinner parties with and work in a place where we would be invited to said parties and galas. Let’s face it that’s not you. And that’s ok. I ended our relationship because I wasn’t happy anymore. I know you were angry and confused when I ended it because it seemed like it came out of nowhere and for you I’m sure that it did, but for me it was a long time coming.

Why cant I move on?

I still have all of the gifts you gave me because I like them. You know me so well. I love the memories that come with them. I want to be happy for you that you’ve moved on and I want to move on for myself. But it seems that I can’t just yet and that makes me angry. You have caused an annoyance at myself whether you know it or not and maybe it’s because I’m not done being angry at you for wasting 3 and half years of my life. Or maybe I’m angry at myself. Maybe I can’t get over the fact that I allowed myself to waste my own time. Maybe writing you this letter will allow me to start to forgive myself and forget you. But until then, I’m still rockin’ your hoodie and chewing on the strings.