Women Who Don’t Want Kids
Get ready for another contriversial post people!
I was telling a coworker about how I ended up doing my internship where I did. He asked me why I didn’t go to my other choice and I informed him that they mainly did child therapy and I don’t like kids. His response was “that’ll change” and that PISSED ME OFF. There are girls who are sixteen and younger who know they want to have children and become mothers young and we don’t tell them “Woah slow down Sally that’s a big responsibility” but when someone the same age or older says they have no interest it’s all “oh, you just aren’t old enough”, “you aren’t in the right frame of mind”, or “that’ll change”. My personal favorite is “you’ll feel different once you actually have children.” WHAT?! Because people having children they don’t want/aren’t ready for isn’t the reason we have this thing called foster care.
Besides the fact that children take a huge toll on your mental health (a post I’ve previously addressed the issue in), there are many reasons women don’t want kids.
Not part of our life goals
Some women want to focus more on their careers. This is not the 1800’s or even the 1950’s I’m allowed to have a career, and hell if I am not going to be bomb at it. For my entire life, not once has having a kid been a goal I had. With the job I want, I would be working away from home a lot. I don’t want a kid to have to be raised by nannies but I’m also not willing to give up what I’m working so hard at either. Now I’m not saying that women can’t have both. There are some boss ass babes out there who do it all. But the unfortunate thing is that no matter how hard we fight to be treated equally, there are issues with having children in the working world that keep women from getting ahead.
Want to travel
Traveling with children is a pain and no matter how cute you make those “I’m sorry we’re traveling with a baby” goodie bags, people will be pissed. Not to mention the extra eye you have to keep on your children nowadays because of all of the sick people in the world. How are you going to enjoy your “vacation” if you have to watch your kids like a hawk and can’t get drunk at Epcot or run to catch your favorite Disney character? If you think jet lag is bad for you, imagine dealing with yours and your kid’s!
Have relationship with partner focused on them
Many times, once people have children their daily conversations surround their them and even worse, fights about parenting styles and the behavior of the child(ren) can happen. Children are a huge cause of marital distress and divorce because people just have children when it happens accidentally and don’t plan for them. Even couples who do plan for their child often forget discussions like who’s in charge of disciplining the child? What parenting style are you both going to use? Is the child going to have a babysitter or go to daycare? Children become your main focus in a relationship once you have them and couples begin to stop taking time for themselves and have “adult” conversation.
Afraid they may not be a good parent
Let’s be honest. We all grew up differently and were raised with different parenting styles and techniques. Some of us were raised a lot better than others. If a woman says she’s afraid she might not make a good parent, it could be because her upbringing was nothing close to traditional and she knows what her parents did was not ok, but doesn’t know any other way. Trial and error is NOT the correct response to this. You don’t know how they were brought up, in some cultures and families children drinking with their parents is acceptable or a young child is responsible for taking care of even younger ones, putting all of their lives in danger.
Watch others struggle
Parenting is hard. Children are unruly and people LOVE to tell you how to handle it. Why would you want to voluntarily subject yourself to that type of judgment and social embarrassment? There’s no getting away from it. No matter how many moms share those “we handle our kids on our own terms” posts there will still be people judging you for ignoring your temper tantrum child in the grocery store or letting them run around the restaurant because you know the alternative is them screaming. Even before that there are people asking you way too personal questions when they find out you’re pregnant. And the touching! What is it with strangers thinking it’s ok to touch you?!
In case you didn’t know, there are life-altering diseases and disorders that are genetic. Some of them are almost a guarantee that if you have a child, they will have it. Why would you want to subject your child to a condition that people have and hate to live with? Think about the quality of life the child would have. Not to mention the amount of stress taking care of a child with a disorder/disease would cause you and your partner (OMG so selfish Katelyn, IDC COME AT ME).
Did you know if you want your child to have a decent education and live a middle-class life it will cost you around $233,610? From birth to the age of 18 that is about 12-14 thousand dollars a year. That’s the average cost of a two thousand square foot house. Do you know how many vacations that is?
As we celebrate Mother’s Day this week, lets remember that some women don’t have children for a reason. Wether it’s for personal or medical reasons please dont disreguard someones thoughts and feelings. Please remember to think before you speak. It’s not your place to ask them why they don’t have children.